my reasons to be thankful

Thanksgiving, as I have mentioned time and time again, is my favourite time of the year. And to go with the cheese of my favourite holiday, I'm just letting you know that this year, and every year really, what I'm most thankful for is you. All of you. No, seriously. I should write more depressed and complaining posts because it instigates you to respond and I love you for it.

I swear, you are the reasons I love my life when I love it and the reasons I love it when I find it hard to. I feel like I came all the way to the UK to find some people who inspire me. I always like to be around people who inspire me each and every day but more and more I found that maybe I had in fact moved myself away from those people, YOU people. So then, maybe, just maybe, the reason for my crappy outlook on life the majority of the last year is that I was in fact looking for the inspiration that I already had. And that now, this whole college experience, which I was hoping would be a massive communal part-of-something-bigger-than-myself extravaganza is actually going to be the time I find inspiration within myself. That I need to realise that I have extrinsic motivation and love and inspiration from everyone I love and now I need to spark that inspiration within myself. You get me?

In a completely opposite vein of what I was going on about in the last post, I need to realise that although I don't feel it or know it, that I am already some sort of inspiration to my friends. That makes me sound like SUCH A TARD saying that but I mean.. to my friends, I actually matter. And maybe the people I was looking for here, whoever they were are not here and it's my chance to take the empty spot. I may always be looking for inspiration in others but right now, I guess it's my turn to be that person to someone else. And I NEED that chance to focus my own spark because if you have a light in you that you can keep going on your own, no matter what, you could probably get through a ton of shit that will break you otherwise. Or maybe it'll still break you. AND THEN LIKE A PHOENIX YOU RISE FROM THE ASHES A NEW BIRD TAKING FLIGH-- right, sorry. Today's been a long day. I need a break, clearly.

So basically, thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you Sarah for being my mental guru who pulls me up by my bootstraps when I cannot. Thank you Daniela for anticipating the content of this post before I even thought of it myself (I will respond to your message which melted my heart, I promise!). Thank you (in no particular order) Amanda (for being you) and Lauren (for always leaving me wall posts when you think of me and listen to the Kooks) and Jackie (for being my Humberto) and Mona (for always yelling at me to get on Skype and for amazing Skype sessions when I actually DO get on Skype) and Tyler (for, you know) and Liam (for not emailing me in sooo long-- just kidding. For emailing me with the mundane on-goings of your life WHICH I LOVE) and Julia (WHO I HAVEN'T EVEN MET PROPERLY) and Michelle (who is my triplet) and Molly (if you're still here?) and holy crap I don't even know who else reads this (leave a comment!) for being the greatest support net, mentally emotionally crazily lovingly, that anyone in the world could ever ask for.

This is my year to learn to live alone to the fullest, and to know that when I struggle, I have you. And you are the best yous in this universe and I am honestly the most blessed person to have you, even to have the shortest minute of attention out of your lives because you matter that much to me. And you can slap me if I ever forget it.

Tomorrow night, we're having a joint Thanksgiving and Eid-ul-Adha celebration dinner, Becca's coming to join me, and on Friday night we're having an N64ing session with a couple friends, and THEN on Saturday we're going to roam the German Christmas Market in town. Today has been a beautiful day because I went to Action Palestine for the first time in forever and was reminded why I joined in the first place and then our dabke session (on my part at least) went pretty well considering and I just felt on top of it all. Love.

♥