4.55am

Since I've been having problems sleeping lately -- more so than usual, that is -- we (Anisah and I) decided that I was not to sleep tonight until I felt tired. It's five minutes to five in the morning and the only thing I feel is hunger. I've just spent the last few hours combining all my facebook photo albums since the photo limit is 200 photos per album. Why yes, I do lead a thrilling life.

Does anyone else have any de-insomnifying techniques? We've already established that warm milk, herbal sleeping pills, and letting a movie or music play in the background do not help. Please?

it's soooooo refreshing!

There is nothing like a good BBC series drama, particularly 1995's "Pride and Prejudice." Colin Firth as Darcy? Pure bliss.

Also, hoping to see the new Star Trek tonight! In between all my studying, sigh. I envy all you finished with this year.

EDIT: The movie was AWESOME. It was just beautiful, I loved it. Zachary Quinto (aka Sylar off Heroes) was just perfection. Only he could make pointy ears and a ridiculous haircut hot. Well ... I guess Orlando Bloom kind of got there first with Legolas but his haircut wasn't all that terrible at all. So Quinto still holds the title. That's not the only reason I enjoyed the movie, I promise. It was just so well done. Especially as someone who didn't watch Star Trek as a kid or whatever, I thought it was an excellent reemergence into pop culture world, you know? It makes me want to go back and watch the old Star Trek shows and movies.

Aaaaaand, I've been excited about this since I finished listening to their last album and since a couple months ago when the next release was nearing the horizon but I'm letting you know now... OK Go are releasing a new album in September and I think I can hardly keep my excitement in control. I've loved them since I was 12 and they are one of my all time favourite bands ever. I want to hang out with them always. 

Continuing on the topic of music and since I'm in the UK, I'll let you know Anisah has passed on all her the Clash albums and I'm immersing myself in them. Also see the Libertines, and Does It Offend You, Yeah?

Goodnight.

It's times like these I wish no one ever had any expectations of me because then anything I achieved would be more than enough, such a sweeter success than the letdown I always feel I'm heading for.

basement perks

The best part of living in the basement and having such a ridiculously placed window is that I am ground level with the rainfall as it hits the pavement right outside.

Until I get a good photo of the rain, here's my view at night. woop.

76 questions, aka "studying"

First thing you wash in the shower?
Face

What color is your favorite hoodie?
Burgundy/maroon. 

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

That would be no one.

Do you plan outfits?
Nope.

How are you feeling RIGHT now?
UNMOTIVATED.

What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
At the about the same distance on either side of me are my wallet with a red flower on it and my We Will Rock You ticket which has a red logo stub thing on it.

Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Hmmmm. I've been having a lot of strange dreams lately but I don't remember which came most recently. It might have been the one where I was at FSHA but it wasn't really FSHA and the lockers had been painted and decorated and there was a video game arcade room place and it was weird.

Did you meet anybody new today?
If today started at midnight, yes.

What are you craving right now?
Food. Anything edible. I haven't eaten anything since I woke up 6 hours ago. And before that I haven't eaten anything since dinner at 6pm. Except a Wispa bar which was not satisfying.

Do you floss?
No.. don't tell my dentist. 

What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
Cabbage.

Are you emotional?
When I'm hormonal.

Have you ever counted to 1,000?
I don't believe I have. Huh. How sad.

Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Ewww who bites into ice cream? That freezes your teeth and hurts! Wait. I bite into ice cream on sticks but not soft serve.. I'll say lick.

Do you like your hair?
Yep.

Do you like yourself?
For the most part.

Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
It'd be interesting, I think.

What are you listening to right now?
Cautioners - Jimmy Eat World

Are your parents strict?
Moderately but not in a way that I mind (mostly)

Would you go sky diving?
YES.

Do you like cottage cheese?
Um, I don't think I've ever tried cottage cheese...

Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yep.

Do you rent movies often?
Not very.

Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
Sparkly? Yes, there is some ribbon ... and a pencil ... and some birthday cards ... and some beads .. and some bracelets. 

How many countries have you visited?
10, I think. That's not including airport stops which I usually count, ha. 

Have you made a prank phone call?
Mmmhm.

Ever been on a train?
Yes, I love trains. I think they're my favourite method of transportation.

Brown or white eggs?
It doesn't matter really, but I have an affinity towards brown ones because they look more farm-y and home-y and organic-y. Everyone's a little bit racist.

Do you have a cell-phone?
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHA, um according to one poor boy in Manchester, no, no I do not.

Do you use chap stick?
Yes. I love chapstick. (WHEEEERE'S THE CHAPSTICK?! ... Sorry)

Do you own a gun?
No, nor do I plan to. 

Can you use chop sticks?
Yes :D My dad taught me when I was a wee lass.

Who are you going to be with tonight?
Hopefully, Anisah, Aamna, and Amina. (Note: I have just attempted to make a corny joke about Triple A and cars and it failed miserably. Laugh in appreciation of my efforts, please.)

Are you too forgiving?
Um, not at all. 

Ever been in love?
WITH YOUR MUM.

What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
Being awesome.

Ever have cream puffs?
Yes, mmmmm.

Last time you cried?
Hmmm. Several days ago. 

What was the last question you asked?
I texted Aamna to ask if she could get some milk on her way back. 

Favorite time of the year?
Autumn. And then just as it turns from spring to summer. Preferably, I will have nothing to do at either of these times and can be free to roam. Reality, this never happens. 

Do you have any tattoos?
No.

Are you sarcastic?
Always.

Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Ha, no.

Ever walked into a wall?
... also, always.

Favorite color?
Red! Reddish orange really. 

Have you ever slapped someone?
Yep, in jest.

Is your hair curly?
Yes. Sort of. Yes.

What was the last CD you bought?
Errr, I bought Kanye West's "808s & Heartbreak" and Cage the Elephant's "Cage the Elephant" at the same time.

Do looks matter?
Depends but they help. 

Could you ever forgive a cheater?
Nope.

Is your phone bill sky high?
Haha, uhh not really. 

Do you like your life right now?
Sure, why not.

Do you sleep with the TV on?
No.

Can you handle the truth?
Haha, I like to think so.

Do you have good vision?
HAH, no. :(

Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Yes. I'm a mean person like that.

How often do you talk on the phone?
Rarely. I don't like talking on the phone that much really.

The last person you held hands with?
Anisah? Becca? Amina? I don't know? My mom?

What are you wearing?
Newly laundered jeans and a Threadless shirt.

What is your favorite animal?
I quite like giraffes. And owls. And hedgehogs.

Where was your default picture taken at?
A bowling alley.

Can you hula hoop?
Oh jeez, I haven't in forever but I bet I still could...

Do you have a job?
Student.

What was the most recent thing you bought?
A spin of the dryer. 

Have you ever crawled through a window?
HAhahahhaha, oh good times. Yes, yes I have. Before I had a house key, or when I used to forget it, I would go 'round back to the kitchen / eating room window and skillfully pop & slide it open to get into my house. 

cba = can't be arsed

Revision is nonexistent. I should be going over lectures, I should be going through past exam papers, I should be reading up on technologies of everyday life, I should be drilling into my head how exactly the brain and its behaviours work. It's taken me about a week to even get up to date on my LAUNDRY and they expect me to study for exams. Everyone else is living in the library. I just don't work like that. Sixteen years of schooling and I still don't know how to study.

Also, I have no food. And I am very very hungry. 

Also, I have dyed random chunks of my underlayers red. 

Last night was "Drink the Bar Dry," the last night the bar at Gabs is open till September. Therefore, all the booze must go. Being on JCR committee, I promised I'd stop by and see how it was all going down. I went down in sweats only to rope myself into manning the entryway because I felt bad that the girls at the table really wanted to go inside. So I went back to my room, put on some real clothes, grabbed a book (The Virgin Suicides, which I have just completed and is so so good), and headed back down. For the next two and a half hours, till about 1 am, I sat at a table in the entryway, asking for entry fees and marking the back of their hands. This also included telling approximately a thousand guys where the bathroom was, having random pissed people come up and talk to us, pointedly ignoring said people by seeming to be extremely engrossed in my book, complaining about the stench of humans and convincing my colleagues that I do not sweat because I'm not human. 

Then, as the party died down, we, the JCR committee and any volunteers, spent the next hour picking up crap around the common room, waiting for 2am to strike so we could kick people out, finish cleaning and go to sleep. While I was waiting, I was sitting with a friend who was with her friend who was a Korean coursemate who lived (or lives?) in -- wait for it -- Kuwait. And not just Kuwait -- Salwa, Kuwait which is where I lived for six years. We didn't go to the same school and didn't have any mutual friends but it was still cool that we had that common factor. When he found out I lived in Kuwait, he shook my hand, like he was proud to meet another MidEast dweller because suddenly I had risen in his eyes. As he was leaving, I happened to be standing at the door and he said bye and then began to pull out his phone in the process of asking me for my number. I did not want to give him my number because I had met him 30 minutes ago and I just don't give out my number like that. 

So as he's pulling out his phone, I think up this genius excuse: "I don't have a phone."

... Who doesn't have a phone these days? What the hell? Could I not think of anything else, maybe something MORE LEGIT? Oh my goodness. He gave me the weirdest look and asked, of course, "You don't have a phone?!" And I said, uh yeah I find it easier that way. Like I live in the Stone Age. He then asked if I had a number in Kuwait. I blinked and said, I have one in Los Angeles yeah but not here. And he was like oh okay well let me know when you get a contract! as he walked out the door. And then I burst out laughing. Good times.

Oh but no worries, friends, he's found a way to contact me nonetheless. After I stayed to mop the entire JCR floor that had been puked on, drunk on, spilled on, sweated on, I went back to my room (3 am ish) to find a friend request waiting for me from my new best friend. Sigh.

My life is so awesome, right?

I'll get back to "studying" now until Eurovision tonight.

my other homes

I think one thing I really miss the most is going to my friends' houses, like actually leaving my house to go visit other people at their houses. I think that's why I enjoyed going to Becca's and Aamna's places so much. I miss it the most because that's pretty much all I did during senior year, live between Lauren's and Amanda's and mine. It's just nice to go the small distance to a different but still kind of my home for a while. 

the distance from home

It's always a giant reality shock when I hear things that remind me that life in California went on -- goes on -- without me. That they still have school and lives and seasons and daily life things -- that they exist basically -- even though I'm here and not there to take part. When I go home this summer, that's all I'll have, this summer. I won't get the autumn and winter and spring of home and the everyday things that go along with them. It continues whilst I expect it to wait. When I think of it like that, home is just that much further away. 

st anselm summer ball

On the 25th of April, we Gabsies attended the annual St Anselm Summer Ball, theme James Bond, for which I designed the tickets and they looked pretty freaking sweet. The theme went no further than my awesome tickets.

As far as dates go, I was set. Anisah and Becca and I were going as a trio, Anisah being our female James Bond and we being her Bond girls. 

The night began innocently enough with a posh champagne reception on the patio outside. After waiting ages as the sun set and it started getting ridiculously chilly outside, we were finally let in for dinner, where all the fun starts.

We were lucky (and by lucky, I mean horrendously unfortunate) to be sitting at the High Table, directly across the Warden of Slems Hall, a very awkward man to say the least. Slightly intimidating only because you had no idea what he was thinking or what he thought of you or why he had that funny look on his face. Add on the fact that this dinner was so incredibly "high class" that we had about 7 forks, 9 spoons, and 3 knives. Not really, but you get what I mean. So on our side, it was a mess of 'which fork?!' 'START OUTSIDE THEN IN OUTSIDE IN' and actually cutting up our salads. Salads. We were slicing lettuce and already sliced cucumbers and tomatoes into even smaller bits. Who does that? Then, just to make things a little more exciting, they slapped on a giant LEG OF LAMB. A WHOLE LEG OF LAMB as the main meal. Still on the bone and everything. And they expected us to consume this leg of lamb using utensils like civilized human beings. I think the extreme look of concentration and determination on my face explained it all. While we all struggled and pulled and forked and tore at our leg of lambs, the Warden calmly sliced through his and his girlfriend's as calm and clean as he could be. He shamed us. So you can imagine how the majority of this meal went -- us staring in horror at the challenges set for us, commenting on said challenges, whispering and giggling like silly little girls (this was mainly Anisah's job) and talking just a tad too loudly about the people around us who could clearly hear us (namely, the Warden, who Anisah kept calling the Don). 

The 'Don' also continuously asked us if we wanted some wine all night long and we continuously kindly denied. Eventually, he commented on how odd it was that the adults were drinking more than the students so I tried to ease the harshness of his rejection by saying that Anisah and I didn't drink. 

Him: At all? 

Us: At all. 

Him: *quickly scurries to find a non-alcoholic drink he could serve us* 

I really think he just wanted to pour us something to drink. Later on, after we'd given up on our lamb legs, dessert arrived in the form of a berry cheesecake and cream. Anisah took the cream first and struggled with it a bit as she poured it on her slice and then handed it to me. I struggled more. I swear that jug was not meant to be poured. It spewed all over my plate as I gah'd and uprighted it so it wouldn't spill all over the table. I passed it to the Warden who again very calmly and cleanly poured cream all over his and his girlfriend's slices. (I don't know why his girlfriend can't do anything for herself.) After watching him do so, I gave him a small clap and said, 'Wow, I applaud your creaming technique.' Yeah, I actually said & did that. He kind of just looked at me, with a funny smile on his face, in wonder that I had said such a thing . I turned to Anisah. 'Did he hear me? Why is he looking at me like that? I don't think he heard me.' To which he responded, 'It's all in the wrist.' 

Yeah.

Afterwards came a small magic show and the Ball bit with the dancing and the band and the musicing, which was fun and dandy and just like any old high school dance, really. There was a techno-ish band that was playing (one of their members is one of the other American girls at Gabs) and Anisah and I kept plotting to go up and mob the lead singer who was beautiful and a boy. It kind of went like this:

Me: Let's go eat him.

Anisah: Okay. 

*grabs me, we run two feet*

Us: WOOOOookay we're there.

Just as things started getting a little, er, not nice (ie de-pantsed and abhorrently drunken), we set off to go home. 

Just was we turned the corner out of Slems, we saw a gang of young guys turning the corner up ahead. We slowed down, obviously replaying in our minds the warnings of walking home late at night and gangs of guys and dark roads. So Anisah decides this would be a good time to turn around and scamper off in her massive heels. So I ran after her and left Becca and Reagan to fend for themselves. We got back to Slems and stood around, planning to either call a cab or grab some guys to walk with us. We were in the midst of this worrying dilemma when the gang of guys suddenly showed up ... walking into Slems ... where they live. 

At least we know we could outrun them in heels if we so needed to. Off we went, back to Gabs, Anisah with one bare foot as she got a cramp halfway through the trek, and to sleep. After recounting all our crazy stories to those who had sadly missed out, of course. 

another note

I really do not appreciate all the Facebook statuses informing me of people finishing now as I have a month left. They better start again in, like, July.

"the college experience"

Every time I talk to adults about my studying abroad in the UK, they always ask something along the lines of, "So where do you think education is better, here or the US?" To which I always want to respond with, "Well, I'm here aren't I?" but rather choose to go with, "Well, I wouldn't know." Because I don't know. I've never gone to college in the States so what do I have to compare to?

Expectations, that's what. It's hard to explain what I mean by 'the college experience.' It's just all the experiences and adventures and learning and living that I imagine characterizes your uni years. Walking across campus late at night just for kicks. The establishment of a Human vs Zombies game. Sitting out in the quad, the common room, the lounge, anywhere where all the students were at. Roaming the quaint streets of a college town. Always having something new and interesting to attend, a night out, a film showing, a cultural event, an art show, a constant feeling of being alive and new and part of it all. I don't know what 'it' is but that's part of my problem, I think. That I don't have 'it' to be part of. Maybe I've not been looking in the right places. Or maybe I'm just not looking enough, or at all. 

There's just those inherent expectations of what university is going to be like and I feel like I'm still waiting for those expectations to realize themselves but I can't imagine how long it's going to take. Or maybe I need to get up off my ass and do something instead of sit back and wait. But what do I do? I don't want my college years to be filled a constant pressure of the fear that I'll never get into grad school, I'll never be hired, this is all worthless. I want them to be some of the best years of my life. But I won't know if they are until I'm way past now and I think that bothers me most, that I can't trust in the unknown. 

I wish my brain would shut up about these things and just let it go.

rainy days

As much as I love being tall, it does have its inconveniences. I spend every rainy day dodging the threatening edges of low umbrellas held by average-sized people.

whew

I am finally mentally free! For now.

I've just finished the most horrendous piece of work I've done in my life ever -- bar my AP Euro exam -- which materialized itself in the form of my lab write-up. It was disgusting and I never want to think of it again ... until I have to do several more of them next year.

I celebrated by doing absolutely nothing today, after going to a lecture and then handing in my assignment. I just roamed campus with my friends, promoting our week of fundraising for Children in Conflict. We went around everywhere, every cafe, every lounge, every whatever, asking for loose change, handing out flyers, and just hanging out. Then I went to the writing society meeting which was excellent as always and tonight, we're off to the Slems pub quiz.

A quick note: I've submitted a couple old pieces to the writing soc's first collab mag thing and hopefully a couple will go through! One of the girls on the editing committee told me she had been hoping I'd submit a particular piece (Kindergarten, of course) which made me smile and she says she's pushing to have it put in. Also, I'm reading The Virgin Suicides which Anisah bought me for my birthday. I think I'll be putting off The Savage Detectives until I can sit in some sunny grass barefoot to read it. And Becca and I are definitely on to Dr Who season two with our beloved Tennant -- it's amazing. Lastly, Kanye's 808s & Heartbreaks is GLORY and I am also currently obsessed with 3OH!3 for whatever reason. They've been playing in my head all day ... 

"I said, shush girl

shut your lips --

do the Helen Keller

and talk with your hips."

Much recapping of the past couple weeks to come ... 

the fray

Last night, pretty much everyone I know in Manchester went to see the Fray. Not really, but seriously, there were quite a few people I knew there, they just kept showing up. 

The Fray, was, as always, superb. They're not one of my favourite bands but I saw them live at the Greek Theatre a couple years ago and liked them enough to see them again this year. I just love them. They're the kind of band that, if you just kind of liked them before, you'll adore after seeing in concert. Dunno, must be their charm. The guy who opened for him was some randomer from CALIFORNIA, WOO. Yeah, I definitely gave him a good cheer, scaring half the people around me as I erupted. It's Californian pride, people, get with it.

still kicking

... but barely. I've got to tell yous about last weekend's Ball and how I lost the Life Sciences Committee Secretary position and how we're going to see the Fray tomorrow! But I am not mentally free until Tuesday afternoon so I'll get back to you on all that. Ugh. And I just rolled over the glass of a frame and cracked it and I needed that pane and dinner is going to be crap and I have beaded keychains to make and fml.

At least I got all the superglue off my hand. And a 2:1 on my history essay! And the second season of Dr Who sitting on my shelf! Sigh.