It's this lull that makes me sit here and be lonely. Or be frustrated that my life isn't more exciting or just interesting even in the smallest of ways. It makes me feel like I've gotten set into a routine of passing hours and days and weeks with absolutely nothing to show for them. Which isn't just a feeling, it's an actuality.
And it annoys me that I always seem to be the only one complaining and not doing anything about it. I don't like being stuck in a rut and goodness knows I would never wish that upon anyone but sometimes I just wonder, why do I seem like the only one who is so annoyed by this I feel the need to vocalise it? Or why do my lulls last this long that they become such a palpable worry? I can't believe I'm about to make this reference but you know, it's like going to a club and they play some fantastically good songs in pairs and then bucket loads of boring non-danceable ones in between. It makes it hard to have fun.
I just wish the lulls weren't so draggish that they honestly make me wish I lived other people's lives. Other people are just so much more talented and interesting and seem to create the excitement in their lives whereas I sit here and wait. I wish I had stronger motivation to lead a thrilling life. I did actually, I really did and then a couple weeks ago I was swamped with stress and it knocked me down. I'll get back up there eventually. It's not like school is particularly stressful or anything (I mean, I know nothing for any of my classes and that lab write-up and essay in a couple weeks are going to hurt but that's besides the point). I just like to complain about these sucky times while I can so as to garner your sympathy and hugs. No, not really, they just weigh me down a bit and I like to unload on a blank web page.
Speaking of sympathy and hugs, I think I'll take the time to get some Oreos, milk, and either an episode of Buffy or start the new season of Heroes. After I do a smidgen of work so I don't feel too guilty.
And focus on the positives!:
Amazing gigs attended: 4 (Tegan&Sara were absolutely delightful. I adore and have established a girl crush on Sara.)
Homecooked meals to be had courtesy of Amina's recently arrived mother: INFINITE.
Number of rainbow cakes successfully baked: 1
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1 comment:
Well, trust me, I understand. This week has been hell and I am so glad that it is over because if I got knocked down one more time, there was no guarantee that I'd be getting back up.
That being said...I get it. I get the loneliness, I get the complaining, I get the lack of motivation. I experience all of those things in the strongest ways, and sometimes all at once. Loneliness is the hardest thing to feel...I can be surrounded by people and feel like the last person on earth. I love your bit of wisdom at the end, though. Even with weeks like this one, I have found that I have finally internalized that wisdom. Maybe it's the fact that so much has happened in the past year to make me see that you could be gone tomorrow. Literally. I want every day to be one that I'm happy about being my last, and so far? That's been true. I guess what I'm long windedly trying to say is, try not to let life pass you by. You are so loved and awesome, Noor. People want to be around you because of the love you give, so try to keep some of that love for yourself. We only get one shot at this whole living thing, and even though life sucks, we can find the happiness in the daily moments. Promise :)
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